theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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