it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
