woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
