My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
