just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
