The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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