Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
