the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
