I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
