Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
