Swine flu. Run for my life!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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