The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
