wanna go halves on a baby?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I yelled at your uterus for you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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