I am full of burrito and curiosity
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
