do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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