I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
