moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
