I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
