Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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