perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
