Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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