I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
