break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
