u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
