I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
