when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
