Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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