Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize