If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
