Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
