That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
