Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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