i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
