Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
