He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
