You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
