smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
