there's paper in my vomit.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
