why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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