woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
