You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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