Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
