Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
