i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
