I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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