There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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