dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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