So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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