i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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