So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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