I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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