I wish my penis had an off switch
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
