Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
