people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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