I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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