so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
