the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize