Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
