found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
