first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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