The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
