WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
