Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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