hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
