Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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