I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
