Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
